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"The stream of Time, irresistible, ever moving, carries off and bears away all things that come to birth and plunges them into utter darkness, both deeds of no account and deeds which are mighty and worthy of commemoration. . .Nevertheless, the science of History is a great bulwark against the stream of Time; in a way it checks this irresistible flood, it holds in a tight grasp whatever it can seize floating on the surface and will not allow it to slip away into the depths of Oblivion. "
- Anna Comnena (1083-1153), The Alexiad
"I have taken all knowledge to be my province."
- Francis Bacon, 1592
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Writing Porphy
Btw, just in case there are folks out there who'd like to write me, snail-mail, my address is:
Ruhland, James
B Det 502d PSB 4ID(M)
Unit #43025
APO AE 09344-3025
Mail seems to be getting here fairly fast, but "your milage may vary" - some seems to arrive quickly, while other stuff, even sent from the same location on the same day, takes longer. It's all good, though.
I'm not sure what to blog about lately. It's different now, both the situation and my ability to blog in a timely manner. The site has continued to suffer from it.
What I'm going to try and do is transform this into a weekly essay site. I'll see what I can drum up.
Things in Iraq seem to have gone ok, the election about as well as the optimistic prediction. We'll see if the attacks die down. One thing's for sure is the solution isn't overnight, and anyone expecting that is fooling themselves, and anyone setting that as the standard is fooling others.
There is of course the North Korea issue, but we covered that before. The fact that they openly anounced what they had already anounced changes little. Likewise with Iran, where it is deja vu all over again.
Well, I kept hoping Steven Den Beste might change his mind and blog at USS Clueless again, but he explains why that won't happen in comments collected here from NelsonAscher's Blog.
During its heyday, this blog owed a lot to USS Clueless and Steven Den Beste. I linked to him often, learned from his thoughtful posts even when I disagreed, and emulated the essay-post style he helped pioneer. His blog was always one of the first two or three I'd read each day. Actually, it wasn't - it was usually the last blog I'd read before turning in at night, because that's when he usually posted, in the evening.
I wish he could still post, but, as the saying goes, "if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride". Wantin' aint gettin'. One day I hope to return this blog to something like its former glory, with thoughtful essays again. If and when that happens, it will include much of what I learned from Steven's posting, both style and substance. I don't try to be him, or have this blog equal his (I know I wouldn't want the volume of mail he received either, for one thing). But I learned a lot from reading his blog, and will continue to miss it.
I hope that his current efforts will continue to be more enjoyable than USS Clueless became for him.
[I h]ad a regimental CO state that the barracks are 'a staging area for war'
which he expected to be kept in a spartanlike condition. No reports on
injuries sustained when he tried to pull this one on his wife.
Heh, I doubt that would have gone over well. . .
My situation isn't that spare. But it does illustrate the dichotomy between those who live in the barracks and those who are normal human beings, with homes and lives and such - and perhaps even a dog.
Your comment about scientists keeping better track of who's theories yield
more consistently correct predictions is both true and false. In theory
this is true. In practice I suggest that this is not as accurate as one
would wish. If you get some spare time, get James Hogan's "Kicking the
Sacred Cow" from Baen Books. It is both entertaining and enlightening.
There are also several books written over the years, the names of which escape me at the moment, that explored how scientific theories are adopted and become accepted. Not written from an anti-science standpoint, mind you, but more from an anti-institution standpoint. Vested interests, even in scientific communities, often resist new ideas and resist accepting evidence that can shake up preconceived notions that people have invested a lot of time and effort into. This is true with paradigm-shaking scientific theories. A lot of scientists were naturally reluctant (to put it mildly) to accept as true theories that overturned the basis of their life's work. A lot of the scientists who are famous today are examples of more than just the "brave scientist overcoming popular ignorance" - the story that's typically told. What's left out (because it's embarrassing, rather than favorable, to the scientific community) is that their bravery often consisted not so much in overcoming resistance to their theories from the philistines in the non-scientific community, but resistance from within the scientific community, people whose careers were built upon theoretical models that were going to be overturned by paradigm-shifting theories that had the unfortunate quality of describing reality better. At times the scientific community can be as resistant to new evidence as the humanities community, or at least it has been. It’s just that they’ve gotten better, and it doesn’t happen as often.
(For some reason Richard Feynman comes to mind in this context, though I'm not sure he wrote on this topic).
Sorry, couldn't resist lifting that line from the Dr. Who episode, "The Invisible Enemy" (one of my favs, from back in the day).
I now have internet in the barracks, at least. Which means I will be able to write back to some folks who e-mailed me but who I haven't been able to write back to (yet).
I've been working in the Motor Pool this week, so even less access than normal at work (which is minimal as it is), and the internet I have in the barracks at this time is still just dial up (would you all believe that my own personal home computer is still an ancient, obsolete Windows 95, Pentium II system? Well, that's what I've got, folks, until I get the ducats to finally upgrade. I was hoping to do that this fall, but family finances haven't been great and I've been chipping in as much as I've been able. But I digress. . .again).
Well, this means there should be some blogging on a more regular basis soon. This week I'm boning up to take the ACT, because I have to have a recent ACT for an OCS application packet. But I'm sure I'll be blogging, as I've missed it. More on that in a later post, but I've got to go now (I'm just on my lunch break atm).
Sorry, but of course things are taking longer than they should. Seems to be the litany of my life, but I apologize to any readers out there who are waiting for decent posts here. First, if you're getting exasperated that the only posting here tends to be posts of my inability to post, and my exasperated lamentations about it, then join the club. {Clinton voice}Ah feel your pa'n[/Clinton voice} and share it.
Reason is the usual tale. I arrive at my unit and they tell me I shouldn't bother getting phone (internet) or cable service hooked up in my barracks room, because we're going to be moving to another barracks soon. So I don't have access to news or internet still. What little online time I've been getting is driving down to the post library for it.
So, that means this site is still in limbo because I'm still in limbo. But things could be worse, easily they could be worse. I tell myself that a lot, and it's true. But that doesn't mean life isn't without its petty annoyances.
Barracks life is going to be one of them, I can tell. Not that the barracks are bad, as such. But sharing what would be a walk-in closet for the Heinz-Kerrys with a young roommate, not so much. The size of the barracks isn’t really an issue, and my roommate isn’t a bad guy. He’s 22, though, and the musical tastes of young people leaves something to be desired, I must tell you. Barracks life in general is really for the 22-year old set. As I mentioned the other day, the Army seems to think that if you’re not married, you have no life. Well, I like my privacy, and like being able to watch C-SPAN or Special Report with Britt Hume. I’m not so into the kind of stuff most folk watch, and background noise is an irritant. I’m just going to have to get used to it for now, and it’s an incentive to get my OCS packet in and pray to Gawd that it gets approved. Gotta do it quick because technically the age cut-off is 30, but it’s waivable up to 35 (or so – that’s what the dude at the Ed center said, and t hat’s what the reg. I’ve seen said, but I’ve also heard of people 37 and 38 getting into OCS. But I’m not planning on waiting on that). Either that or find a wife, but hastily getting married to move out of the barracks is a non-solution.
Not that I don’t want to find one, mind you. But I need to find someone who has similar interests and a compatible personality. I mean, after all, if living with some 22-year old dude in living space no larger than John Kerry’s typical walk-in closet is an annoyance to me because of disparate interests, life married to someone who’s interests aren’t compatible with mine wouldn’t work out either. And I don’t plan on getting divorced. But, then, how many people go into marriage planning on getting divorced?
Yep, I'm still mostly offline. I reported to Fort Hood last week, spent the week inprocessing, and got assigned to a unit (the 502nd PSB) yesterday (late), just as everyone was trying to leave for a 4 day weekend. Anyhow, still not really online - and don't know if I will be online at "home" (the barracks) for about a month. Why? Well, got there to find out that they're (we're) moving to another barracks in two or three weeks, and was told (logically) that it doesn't make much sense to get phones (internet) or cable (internet) hooked up in the meantime, 'cause it'll take about a week (appointments are about a week ahead). *sign*.
Anyhow, barracks life not-so-much, for me. The Army seems to assume that if you're E4 and below and not married, you have no life. So you get assigned to a glorified closet to share with another person - regardless of age, responsibility level, and the like. Heck, I just want a nice, quiet place to watch C-SPAN, news shows, anime, and to blog, and to study when I get signed up for the class I need to finish my degree. That's how much of a "wild and crazy guy" I am.
Seems to me I'm more, not less, likely to get in trouble being paired with some 22 year old roomate who wants to party and get drunk. But we're not allowed to look for off-post housing - unless we're married. Army treats married folk pretty darn well, actually. An incentive to find that wife I should have found years ago - and to make rank. I'm going to put in a OCS application packet as soon as I can.
Now, don't' get me wrong; it's not horrible or anything and I don't mean to whine, and I don't mind making sacrifices to serve something important. But I can't wait to be treated like a responsible adult again, too.
On the good side, the unit I've been assigned to seems like a good one. From what I could tell in the hour or so with folks there, who were completely helpful in getting us situated (me and the other guy I came into the unit with), seems like I'll be working with good people. So that's a relief.
One alert reader sent a letter inquiring about me, and if I was ok, since I haven't blogged at all - all through "Rathergate" and beyond - recently.
It proved too difficult to try and blog while at AIT. "Rathergate", for example, was handled much better by others and any posts I would have made on the topic would have been dated "me too" type stuff, not very timely.
But I'm not dead or anything. I'm doing ok. I finished AIT last week, outprocessing then coming home (where I did end up getting a massive toothache right off the bat, rats). Am spending this week with my mother and my dog and getting ready to move to Fort Hood. I'm assigned to the 4th Infantry Division - which is set to deploy to Iraq early next year.
It'll take a bit to get settled in at Fort Hood (I report Monday, the 4th of October), but I hope to resume posting by mid October if not before, though posts likely won't be as frequent as in the past.
Or, in this particular case, they did grind him down: Steven Den Beste has been driven from blogging by. . .his readership. How ironic, but unsurprising. It has been noticeable for quite some time that a thing he used to enjoy had become wearisome to him, because of too much "help".
Long time readers of this site, if any of you are still around to read this post, will know that USS Clueless was one of my favorite sites, frequently linked to and commented on. In that selfish way, it will be missed. In another more significant way, it will also be missed: Steven Den Beste contributed greatly to the intellectual fight, whether you generally agreed, generally disagreed, or quibbled on the edges. His thoughtful posts were always thought provoking, at least for me.
I hope he'll find another outlet to express himself through, that will not have the drawbacks that caused him to grow weary of blogging, and exacerbated with his readership.
In the meantime, in betweentime, as far as this blog goes: updates are few and far between here, but mainly 'cause I haven't much to contribute at the moment. Here's how it goes: I'm not even able to catch much (nothing, really) of the Republican Convention so far. Missed both major speeches last night, and am unlikely to see much of what is coming up. That's just one example. Till I get done with AIT, posting will remain few and far between - even on "training" subjects. It's just too hard to get online for more than a little while, and too hard to get enough information to make a well informed post.
I do have plenty of downtime here, though. AIT has about two hours worth of classwork per day when something is actually taught and learned, and the rest of the time is just frittered away. I’m just not able to make much constructive use of it. It’s vexing.
Greetings.
I'm in AIT now and have sporadic, limited internet access. I might be posting again from time to time. In any event, folks who want to e-mail me are welcomed to. Not sure yet how often I'll be able to respond yet, or at what length, but letters and news will be greatly appreciated.
I can say that AIT also seems different the second time around, but more on that later, along with another post comparing & contrastic Basic Training "then vs. now".
In two week's time this webblog will cease to publish. May 11th will likely be the last day of posting for most of summer, possibly through mid September, unless a suitable "Guest Blogger" appears to fill in. In any case, I won't be here. No internet access in Basic of course, though from what I gather possibly limited e-mail through a .mil account. I might put that up before I go in case people are interested in writing. It's possible that at AIT when we reach the point where we have weekend liberty I'll write some posts from time to time.
I'm hopeful that when I am settled in at my permanent duty assignment I'll have time to resume blogging. There's a host of "Milbloggers" out there. I also want to get cracking on finishing my degree. I'm looking forward to going off to training but will miss the internet. I don't expect people to keep coming to this blog when there's nothing new here for you to read.
I hardly ever write about myself here, though from time to time I have put in personal stuff. But it's not that kind of blog because I'm not that kind of person. But I hope readers will indulge me a bit while I break that practice. I'm a huge optimist about the opportunities out there in this country, as regular readers will probably know from having read this blog. But I have not been confident of my ability to take advantage of those opportunities. In the realm of ideas, writing, thinking, politics, policy, and all sorts of impersonal stuff I am very confident, but not so much personal stuff.
The internet has been a blessing for me. I have more people who I consider friends who I have never seen than those who I have. In part that is because of where I live, out in the boonies. There are few people here, and even fewer who share my interests. But in large part it's because I'm introverted and shy until I get to know someone. The thing I'm going to miss most of all is interacting with people on the internet. When I was in Basic last time around, in '88, there wasn't that (or I wasn't really aware of it, anyhow) so I didn't miss its absence. I'm pretty confident that Basic isn't going to be a problem - I still remember a lot from before. I'm looking forward to the Army and I should have gone in years ago. As I wrote when I announced signing up, a lot of things held me back over the years, some significant and others in retrospect less so. Giving this up, even for two or four months, was one of those mental blocks. There are people out there who I game and chat with who I'm going to miss in the interim.
It's silly and stupid. I know that. But people can be silly and stupid. I also know it'll be over quickly and I'll be doing kewl and interesting things, quite busy no doubt - especially in Basic; even if there was internet access by some chance, there would be no blogging. Your days are very busy and by the end of the day you're good and tired. I met some good people the last time around, in both Basic & AIT. But while I'm looking forward to all the things I'll be doing I can't help but have some trepidation about the things I'll be leaving behind, even while knowing I can jump right back in when training is over.
Thinking and writing is where I am most comfortable. In a lot of ways, this will be an excellent break and bring with it new experiences. Over the last several months, I think that this blog has improved in some ways but also gotten worse in some. Improved because I think my writing has gotten crisper and better. Special thanks to Joe Katzman for helpful tips on writing. But it's gotten worse in other ways because my mind has not been as sharp and focused. When it's on, it's still on, but that hasn't been as frequent as before and I have often had to make a very conscious effort to get things rolling in my head. Before it would just come automatically in response to something I read or heard or picked up.
There's been a lot of mental clutter and the source of that is obvious. I've stagnated here and it's time to get up off my butt and go out and jumpstart my life. But people - most people - don't like change and I never have been comfortable jumping into the unknown. What I really want is to be settled in at my permanent duty station, doing my job, contributing to something worthwhile, with all my stuff moved, and once again able to think, write, and interact with people who I've never seen or met but many of whom I consider friends none the less. We'll see what the future brings.
There will be limited posting today and hardly any tomorrow, as I have to go up to MEPS for an MOS-related test. That will be a snap; it's to see if I can type 20 wpm. I can type three times that fast. I can type almost as fast as I used to be able to think. They're flying me all the way to Denver for that. *sigh*
Some folks might scan my ads now that I have 'em. Please do. You might notice a new one today. No, I haven't changed my position on that issue but I know a number of my readers disagree with me. Make up your own mind and support your beliefs as you desire.
Sorry for the lightish and latish posting of late, especially yesterday. I'm working at a place atm that does have computer access, but yesterday was bizarre, one of those days filled with countless little snafus starting with the pdf that wouldn't download completely and ending at home with the three-state power-outage. Plus the place we were going to go for dinner was closed even before the power outage, so we ended up going home - and cooking in the dark.
All that meant countless little interruptions. It's been sort of a week+ like that. For example, the other thing I have to apologize for is that I haven't replied to everyone's letters yet, including some folks that I owe a thanks for having hit the Amazon tipjar. Every time I mean to, something comes up that pushes everything back. I'll try to get back to people as soon as possible. Till then: remember, Doc - keep smiling!
Yesterday was the tenth birthday of spam, as I noted. A lot of bloggers, myself included, are annoyed by those spiders that go around collecting e-mail addresses from webpages, gathering them up for spammers to fill your mailbox with. There are two ways bloggers have dealt with this problem: People either suck it up, as I have, posting a clickable e-mail address and accepting the flow of spam, hoping that spam filters will block the bulk of it, but making it more convenient for people to write you. The other alternative is to either not post an e-mail address on your site or write it out in text, something like "joe -at- bloggerville.biteme", which people who want to write you find annoying.
Well, also via the screensavers (and also see here for a full explaination of how this works), there is a way to write a "clickable" e-mail address into your blog's code in a way that spoofs the spiders. It involves the following Javascript:
<script language="JavaScript">
<!--
var name = "insert the addressee of the email here";
var domain = "insert your domain here";
document.write('<a href=\"mailto:' + name + '@' + domain + '\">');
document.write(name + '@' + domain + '</a>');
/ /-->
< /script>
This won't "fix" things with respect to those who already have your e-mail address, but it will prevent new spiders from aquiring it in most cases. This is also a good way to go if "starting fresh", make a new e-mail addy that the bots don't have and post it with this code so they can't get it. Folks who have been using the clunky text solution ("mergetron -at- screedwriter.com") can switch over to this.
Update: There's also this method, that allows you to fill the mail link with other text:
<script language="JavaScript">
<!--
var contact = "insert text here I.E. Contact Porphy"
var name = "insert the addressee of the email here"
My sojourn is over and I had a relaxing time. For those who don't expect weekend posting, I made a number of posts this Sunday that readers might be interested in.
I want to again thank those who have been giving me advice and/or encouragement on my future. I'm going to work on catching up with correspondence and responding to mails today as well.
I've clearly been sitting where I am for far too long. I'm still trying to get past the regret of where I might be right now if I had moved on earlier. The focus that I have now on what I want to do makes me regret not having taken those steps earlier. It's a long path and seems insurmountable, more and more as the years have passed. There were a variety of reasons, not worth going into, that seemed important at the time but now seem insignificant, and I'm left wondering why I let this that and the other get in the way. In part it was because the road ahead will be long and there always seemed to be time, once the thing-of-the-day was dealt with. Now there doesn't seem to be so much time, and I'm telling myself that it's only too late if I let it be. Also I've finally learned that there will always be a "something" that puts things off if I let it.
One of the options I have long considered is military service, serving in the Army and pursuing my education from there. The military offers good support for getting an education, both in the service and afterwards. There are a number of other good reasons to serve in that capacity as well. Again, in the past a number of things have prevented me from taking that path, some family related and some not.
Well I'm looking into that now, and just by a whisker it's not too late. That's the path I'm going to take, and it'll be the Army. In the past, whenever I've considered military service, I've always seen myself in the Army. Others have recommended looking into some of the other services as well, such as the Air Force. I will say that I did make an inquiry and if only the Air Force Recruiter in Farmington had returned my calls, I might have given it a closer look. In particular if they had a slot open that was what I'm looking for.
I had hoped to get into Military Intelligence. I think I'd excel there, I think my talents would be suited to the task, and I know I qualify (I scored in the 98th percentile on the ASVAB), and language school would help me lock down one of my goals - finishing my undergrad degree. But it was locked up and the Army had no openings there. What I got for now is Human Resources, acceptable for me (given I'm better with my head than my hands), but I hope to find a way to reclassify. Once I'm in I'm going to apply for OCS and/or Warrant Officer school, and get into M.I. from there. If anyone has any other recommendations, I'd be happy to hear them.
I'm also keen on getting situated somewhere where I can work on institution building and the like (Civil Affairs was also full up): I think I could also make a good contribution in that capacity. I'm going to try and get stationed in the Northern Virginia/D.C. area, I think that would be a good environment for me. I actually wouldn't mind getting deployed to Iraq and, like I said, work on institution building. The Army's doing decent work there, better I suspect (and have blogged to that effect) than other folks would. But if folks have recommendations of good bases to get stationed at, I'm all ears.
I've been out of the National Guard for more than four years, so I have to go through Basic Training again. I'm scheduled to report at Fort Jackson, SC, on the 13th of May. (No, this wasn't what I was doing on my sojourn; I was looking into this and lining it up before I left, while also looking at other options). I’m hoping I made the right choice, that I’ll do good work, do well, and get closer to where I want to be. If nothing else I won’t be brooding away in Southwest Colorado, and that’s something. This is, I hope, a way to make a contribution to something I think is important while also advancing my progress towards my own ultimate goals.
I may be looking for "guest bloggers" while I'm in Basic. AIT shouldn't be as much of a problem but, though you have e-mail access in Basic now (through a .mil account; everything else is firewalled), there isn't a heck of a lot of time there for keeping up with current events and writing blog posts. You're kept pretty busy and with whatever free time you have, you're fairly tired.
I'll be on the road for a week starting today and concluding late next Saturday. Internet access will be limited at best. I hope to write some stuff off-line and find a means to post at the odd time and in the odd place. They'll be of the essay sort, re-writes of posts and the exciting conclusion (or at least continuation) of the "America's 21st Century Foreign Policy" series. I also hope to have an anouncement of sorts about my future plans when I get back or soon after.
If by chance I'm not able to post, I hope you'll all come back when I'm back.
I'm home today getting ready for a family thing that was scheduled a long time ago that will take me out of town for about a week and a half. I should have a substantive post up (on Universities &tc) a little bit later, once I get it written.
I'm on my lunchbreak atm and dashed to the library to check my mail and figured I'd move this up to the top of the que again.
A reader has requested I allow more comments, so here's an open comments thread. Feel free to comment on any topic I've discussed on the site.
Regarding Mispellings: responding to Dave's comment here, sorry about the mispellings. I try to catch them. Some of them are malaprops. For example, yesterday for a long time the "WaPo SOTU" Post was up as "WaPo SOTA". I always make that error, but it wasn't a mispelling, it was a malaprop. I'm more used to typing the acronym "SOTA" (State of the Art) than "SOTU" (State of the Union), and it was automatic. Took me awhile to catch it.
Some are typos (because I do type fairly fast). Others - many - are out-and-out mispellings. I'm sorry about that, I am a terrible speller and spell-check doesn't catch everything. I'll try and work on it.
Richard Heddleson writes, via e-mail, to point out Steven Den Beste's post today and asks if I've been "hangin' round" him, that is, if I'm having the same problem.
Not really, at the moment. I think I could write, if
I had my mind right, boy. (Said in my best Strouther Martin voice, which admittedly isn't very great).
I wasn't so tired after work (see previous posts).
I want to write but I've been mentally distracted - for a bit now, actually. Preceding the job situation and now I'm physically exhausted on top of that and unable to keep on top of "kewl" things to link to and post about as much as I might otherwise.
Really good essay posts started dropping off here last fall. By "really good" I mean by what I thought of as good, and by dropping off I mean there were fewer of them. That relates to the mentally distracted aspect of things and just means I do need to get out of here and now am on the right track (by "hear" I do not mean "this blog", I mean my physical location). It means that when I posted that I discovered I didn't mind losing my job, I'm not just whistling Dixie. But there is a hard road ahead and it has created more mental distraction (and more than a bit of anxiety), and now there's physical exhaustion from the work I'm currently doing to pay bills on top of that, which is very labor intensive.
The two things in combination are death for posting. If it was just the one - say, the physical without the mental distraction - I'd probably be able to generate more, 'cause my mind would be working on stuff to write all day long. There would still be the problem of finding "topical source materiel", but that would be bridged. Instead my mind is thinking about all these other things: Where shall I go, what shall I do? I have ideas (which I'm not posting explicitly yet, and thanks to those who are helping). But I keep wondering. So far at least. I also keep regretting paths I could have taken years ago - something that isn't very wise: We all screw up, make mistakes in life. Obsessing over them doesn't help much in going forward. Learning from them does, but not obsessing over them. I'm trying to get out of that phase (and, again, thanks for people who have written helpfully). If the quality of writing is down here lately, it is more because of the mental distraction & physical exhaustion than due to burnout. Tired people just aren't as likely to write well as well-rested people are.
It's not the same as "burnout", though. Burnout, to me, would be having time, having access to "source materiel" and the time to read it, but not having it generate anything worth writing. I'm not saying one problem is ok and the other isn't, just that they're different. I have gone through periods of burnout and stopgap posting, myself. But that's not my problem at the moment, as you can see from the volume of this response to a simple mail. I have written some long responses to mails recently, but not nearly all of them have been “posting materiel”.
Indeed, I really want to write. No doubt so does Steven, but my reasons are slightly different. He's retired (lucky). This is the closest I have, at the moment, to being able to do what I want to do with my life and make the contribution I'd like to make and think I have an aptitude for. Perhaps I'm fooling myself, but as I've written, I think my aptitudes are scholarly-oriented, academic. Maybe in the end I won't have a career doing it (teaching, think-tanking, and the like) and it will remain more of a hobby. Maybe. In any event, such energy as I have has at least partially been diverted to looking into my future – where to go and what to do. That takes time and effort too, you know. So if I’m not blogging as much that is part of the reason.
But in either case, the most valuable thing I've done in the last several years, to me and I hope to others in the sense of making some sort of contribution, has been through this forum. If I'm going to do anything of value, either for "just myself" or by way of contributing something, I think it will be with my mind, my thoughts. That does mean that, as I said, right now this is the closest I can come to doing what I want to do, what I think I may be good at, and what I need to practice at to develop whatever talents I have. Sometimes my posts are pretty raw, sometimes fairly tangled. Improving means practice and putting effort into something. This includes reading up on subjects and trying to impart what you've learned & thought about them to others.
Ultimately I'll need teachers, professors, the whole works. I'll need to advance my education. Right now, this is what I have and if I could I'd devote more, not less, time to reading up on things and then writing about them. You have no idea how it makes me feel that I can't. I'm not one of those people who expects to get rich. I'm not really disappointed living modestly - which, unfortunately, is one thing that kept me where I am so long. Well, I'm rambling now and this blog is becoming one thing I never intended it to become: an autobiographical blog.
Lastly, I do hope Steven Den Beste comes back from his break in full-form, writing away. Clueless is one of my own favorite blogs.
In any case, if folks have ever wondered why few people who work at manual labor are bloggers, it probably has less to do with intelligence or interest in the world than simply fatigue. By the end of the day I'm so tired. I can't keep up with the news, keep up with what's going on...
Guy Rodin writes, via e-mail, as follows:
Absolutely correct. After coming back from a day crawling under cars, all I want to do is have a shower, eat, surf a little and go to bed.
Randolph Addison writes, via e-mail, as follows:
As though this is somehow important or enlightening, I'll agree wholeheartedly. My main job is completely white collar (i.e., network administration and semiconductor fabrication). In the past two months, however, I have worked closely with our part-time industrial electrician to install conduit, electrical panels, transformers, etc., and I have never been so tired. This also coincides with my being in probably the best physical shape in my life (those Power 90 exercise routines are really fantastic).
When I get home (after an average workday of 11-12 hours of pretty much constant work), I have enough energy to brush the teeth, check for any amazing news (e.g., capture of Saddam), and then I get to bed. Everything else is non-vital--even eating, I've found.
Yah, I know the feeling. Right now I'm reading mail & blogging rather than eating, 'cause I know I'll be too tired later. But I also know I've gotta eat or it'll only be worse tomorrow.
So like I said right now as I'm trying to find a path to my future I'm doing some temp work. I signed up at the only temp agency in Durango, listing a preference for office work. It's a small-population area, though, and I got called in to work general labor at a construction site. That's what was available.
The temp agency sent a couple other guys over to the site on the same day, but they showed up with bad attitudes and disappeared quickly. They ere White dudes and from what I can tell the temp agency is having a hard time getting people who will actually show up and do this work. Probably two thirds of the people working at the site for the contractors hired to put up these buildings (condos) are Latino. There's nothing wrong with that, but it is highlighting the assertion that maybe there are jobs that Americans don't want to do anymore.
As for me - well, readers can take a stab at what they think I'm better at, working with my hands or with my head. Now, I didn't ask if you all think I'm good at either, but if you were to guess which am I better at? When I was shipping stuff, not much of it was heavy and heavy stuff had to be lifted only briefly. This is a lot of physical labor: Nothing wrong with it but I'm out of shape and definitely need to build up my endurance, especially given what I'm considering.
In any case, if folks have ever wondered why few people who work at manual labor are bloggers, it probably has less to do with intelligence or interest in the world than simply fatigue. By the end of the day I'm so tired. I can't keep up with the news, keep up with what's going on, keep up with the discussion, even keep up with my web-friends who are, out here, my main friends. Like I said, this is a small population area, especially out where I live which isn't even in town (it's an hour each way to Durango and back). How many people do I know here who share my interests? Who are roughly my age and share my interests? Like my Bio says, when I came out here from Madison it was to help my mother with a family business, operating a motel. She worked at Fort Lewis College during the day and I was pretty much tied to the motel. How many people did I know when I came out here? None. The people I left in Madison were college friends, all long gone. I kept in contact with some for several years but gradually that faded. Now I'm working construction and the guys seem cool - I have yet to run into any who I think is an ass.
This isn't a bad job and normally I'd mind it a lot less, but right now my thoughts are filled with where I want to be in my life, what I hope to do. Losing the job I lost is something I've ended up not minding: Another year there wouldn't have gotten me one step closer to where I want to be and I'm looking back on all the time. I could be where I want to be by now if only. . .
Losing my job as a shipper has been a clarifying experience. I used to look at people doing jobs and think "that wouldn't be too bad, having a job like that" but now the thought that immediately follows is "but that isn't what I want to do with my life." I've always known the kind of thing I would prefer to do, but have had trouble pursuing it. It seems so far away.
One of the things I was most proud of is becoming the biggest regret of my life. I worked my way through Uni: no financial aid, no student loans, some parental help but not lavish. I took classes when I could afford to and often bought textbooks late, again when I could afford to. I left the UW and came out here with a couple hundred dollars in debt. But without a degree. I have everything I need for my B.S. in History & Political Science except some foreign language credits, but no degree. Where would I be now if I had only bitten the bullet, taken on some student loans, but got my degree? I might actually be able to land a job like this one (second from the top) "Staff Assistant: Foreign and Defense Policy Studies". How kewl would that be?
As it stands now, in my optimistic moments I'm hoping that five years from now I'll be on the path to reaching my goal. I want to be a scholar, an academic (as funny as that may be to those who don't think much of academics). I want to use whatever intellectual talents I have and work with others doing such things. I'm affected by worry that I'll never get there. I'm not even sure how to get there. I'm trying to live by that old John Madden saying, "don't worry that the mule is blind, just load the wagon", but it's hard.
Right now I'm having trouble even thinking of stuff to post on, write a post about. As I said, I'm not able to get around much and read things, and I'm tired - physically and mentally - and thus finding it difficult to go through the mental processes that lead to a thoughtful post. It does make me realize that these things don't just generate themselves. Whether my posts, my thoughts, my ideas and the way I put them are good or bad, to me it seemed so effortless. I know that at times the writing is uneven at best. It's often stream-of-consciousness, put out quick and dirty because time is limited. But the thought processes always came so easy to me, so easy it seemed like the post just wrote itself as everything flowed forth. When it was working, it was really working and the hard thing wasn't coming up with stuff but holding it back and editing out excess as a surfiet of thoughts came pouring out (well, that and spelling).
Well, it's not easy right now. I try my best but worry that my best isn't good enough. Why do I blog? Because so far it's the closest I can come to doing what I want to do in life and where I think my talents are: Studying things, thinking about them, and sharing that with others. Whatever contribution I make in this world will be in this area. That's what I believe, but I could be wrong.
Someday I’d also like to meet a nice, cute girl with similar interests who I don’t scare off with some faux pas of social ineptitude, but that’s another story and I know that to do that I’ll have to get out of where I am.
My apologies: Blogging tired may be a step down from not blogging at all, after all. The link in the (Instalanched) "Winning the Islamic Culture War post somehow got mixed with an e-mail page. It's fixed now. My apologies to anyone who was inconvenienced by the screw up.
[Not "aweigh" because most of these are being pitched over the side. You'll see as you read.]
So the dude mentioned in the previous post, Lance Izumi, is a "senior fellow at the Pacific Research Institute for Public Policy". That sounds kewl.
Something along those lines (Fellowship at an Institute) is something I've always thought would be worth aiming for but don't know how to go about it. That or a professorship. Something in an academic setting. People may disagree but my talents and aptitudes are scholarly. My interests certainly are.
I've been letting things anchor me down, from small to large. Some anchors are good - an anchor obviously has a purpose, a positive use. Here's where we get a bit teleological. Yes, I know about a month ago Steven Den Beste, one of my favorite bloggers, castigated the teleological world view and there are certainly reasons to castigate some versions of teleology.
But Aristotleian views aren't all bad. A thing might have a worthy use (a virtue) but for every virtue there are corresponding vices. Being completely unanchored in life is a vice, but so too is using an anchor in place of a life jacket and allowing it to drag you down.
A lot of things have anchored me to my life here over the last several years, some large, some small. Some that I look back on and am glad I stood by someone - though I now wonder if I could have provided as much help, if not more, some other way that would have benefited both. But some that I look back on with regret. One lives life forward, however, not in reverse. Losing that job may end up being the best thing that happened to me, a blessing, because every year that I stayed here was a year that I made no progress towards the life I'd like to have.
This blog has been my contribution to the War on Bad Philosophy, the War of Ideas, and the war we've been aware we're fighting for two and a half years now. A war waged against us for longer but we only began to engage it actively in the wake of 9/11. It's been a contribution that plays to my strengths and I'd like to think that in a country of 280 million people I've been doing my part. It is, after all, a world-wide debate, one that includes a ideological war within the west that is arguably the most important front in this war (aren't they all) because the outcome of this conflict will determine how - even if - we fight the war of ideas against Islamist forces because at stake in the ideological war within the west is our civilizational confidence and understanding & valuing of our virtues (there's that word again).
I'd like to think that in some small way, as part of a spontaneously mobilized intellectual militia (what is the militia? "the whole body of the people, drawn up as an army"), have had some impact. It's not nearly the same as being a field soldier getting shot at by crazed Fedayeen, but it's something.
It's been something, and a contribution that plays to my strengths. But strength is relative, and I have also run up against the limitations of what I could do because of limitations, often self-imposed, on those strengths. I can think pretty well, but need some work organizing my thoughts perhaps. I can write pretty well - or at any rate pretty fast - and have fluency in terms. But also sloppily. I've got to get out of where I am, bite the bullet, and get on with my education - but also have a way to pay for it.
First off, to those who think I'm putting on airs ("contribution to the war"? It's just a blog, dude, get over yourself! And not one of the biggest ones, either): Yah, I know. I'm certainly not saying I'm single-handedly winning the battle of ideas here on Porphyrogenitus.net nor that I will ever be able to do that. But I'm part of a Pack, as Glenn might put it, and have done what I could.
Things have been kind of slipping here, though. A variety of reasons. For one thing, we're arguably in a lull in this - though fall and late summer could be interesting. For another, I haven't really been happy, which comes across in a lot of ways and affects writing and thinking. Blogging has not only been a way to make a contribution but an escape from otherwise not doing what I want to be doing with my life or even getting closer to that. The obstacles in my way are arguably of my own making: I've known what I need to do, but haven't had the energy to do those things because of depression over where I was and how far I was from my goals. Blogging has been a way to do something close to what I want to be doing, which has made it a good hobby among the other things mentioned above: People do things for a variety of reasons (something that those who ask "ok, did we topple Saddam over WMD or for this other reason they're talking about now?" should remember. Both, boss. All). It was and remains something that makes me happy because I've been able to use my aptitudes here in a way that I wasn't able to in the rest of my life here.
Why have I blogged a lot? That's the reason. Why, when I haven't blogged much, has it been at the more obviously trying times for me? Dittoes. For one thing, it makes it hard to think clearly on any subject when you're gloomy. Past posts have expressed my pessimism on this or that topic and usually included a disclaimer that I may just be looking at things pessimistically because I'm a pessimistic person. It hasn't always been that way in my life. Colorado, sitting here festering, moldering away, has not been good for me and this is another problem that is self-reinforcing. The anchors I mention are things I cling to because I've become more worried about losing what I've had than gaining from any venture, including leaving here and pursuing my education. Again, losing my job may be a blessing because I no longer have to worry about what I'd lose in leaving it. It wasn't a bad job but it wasn't how I should be spending my life.
The above may give the impression that this is a "Farewell Adress" post. I do, after all, need to focus on my job & education search: Something that I have been doing, though it's difficult. The mental barriers are the hardest part. (Yes, that and the waiting. Thanks, Tom Petty. Even if you are a Lib). I'm a pretty reserved person. I think that comes across, too. This weblog is a bit "distant" in the bloggosphere: I have direct connections with a rather few people who I am comfortable with but don't venture beyond that much. I'm very confident in talking politics, international relations, stuff like that. Especially on the web but also in group settings. Impersonal stuff. It wasn't always like this, either, but somewhere in my life I became withdrawn and reserved. I've always been somewhat shy but it reached hypertrophy here in Southwest Colorado and the setbacks here.
My main friends are on the web. I left the others behind in Madison (and they've all long since moved on and I lost touch with them). Here I've lived a hermit-like existence. At first it was because I was anchored to the motel. The motel (see bio) was the reason I came out here. The staff consisted of me. My mother owned the motel but worked at Fort Lewis College during the day. I could have gone out at night at least some nights, but with who? From the motel I made some friends over the internet, via ICQ and at Shadowland.org back when that site had some traffic. That's another reason I've spent so much time on the web: the few people I talk to outside of my family are there. So if folks wonder why I'm reluctant to do much autobiographica blogging, it's because my life is obviously less interesting than Glenn's (not even any coffee drinking in my log, much less teaching, and certainly no wives who look fetching in t-shirts).
I have two eyes. One looks forward at how long it will take me to get where I want to be in my life. The other looks back and sees that in the years that have passed since I first started thinking this way I could have gotten where I want to be. But I haven't. Those are dead years in my life and the only thing I have to show for them lives in the archives of this blog, the previous blogspot blog, some links to my posts that some have been kind enough to make, and whatever impact my arguments, thoughts, analysis of events and the like have had on people who read them.
I want to keep blogging. It is after all a venue to express my thoughts and work on refining them and refining how to express them. These are skills I need and I hope that readers will find value in what I post. As I mentioned earlier, though, posting patterns are likely to change. Posting will also likely be less frequent "For the Duration". I'm going to need to work, and to study. But most of those studies will probably be in spheres that will generate some good postage, just as books and articles I've read on my own for zero college credit and thus, while they have increased my own knowledge have not really helped me attain my goal, have often generated some of the better, more thoughtful posts I have made. I'll also be keeping my end up as best I can as part of this "intellectual militia" we have going here. What is the bloggosphere? "The whole body of the citizenry drawn up as a punditry".
"Um, is that a good thing, or a bad thing?" some reader out there is asking his or her self. I guess we'll see. Maybe someone could do a dissertation on the impact of blogs in public policy/international policy debates (oh, and if someone out there reads that and takes the idea, please at least give me proper credit for it. If you're already doing it, then kudos to you). The current plan of action has me finishing my degree while I’m working at being all I can be. Hopefully I’ll also be able to take some graduate-level work and build up a record that'll help me get into a PhD program.
Oxblog has some good links on the developing situation in Iran.
As for me, I'm going on the road looking into something to do with my life and get me out of here. I might post tonight, depending on computer availability. Otherwise there won't be any new posts till late Friday night at the earliest.
Send some birthday wishes to Ronald Reagan and his family. Any flames will show a lack of class on the part of the flamer.
well, I've gone and done it. I've added advertisements to the site. I ran it purely for fun at my own expense for some time and didn't believe in festooning it with lots of stuff. But regular readers will know that my financial circumstances, not so hot to begin with, have entered an even less certain period. I'm hoping that the site will pay for itself. Of course, it'd be great if it turned a profit. Unlike those selfless hippies who run progressive blogs and believe the profit motive is dirty - except when indulged in by people such as themselves - I have nothing against the free market.
But I'll be happy if it just becomes self-supporting.
I also want to thank my readers for their continued patronage. I'll try to keep up with posting. I doubt I'll be making as many posts as in the past, and they may not be put up at the old familar times. But I'll endevor to maintain the quality or even improve it. Thanks again for all your support.
I'd like to extend my gratitude to all the people who wrote with their support and encouragement in my job search, and offers of help.
One such person suggested I post my curriculum Vitae. I have posted a resume at Monster.
I studied for six years at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, majoring in History & Political Science, emphasizing International Relations, Political Economy, and Defense policy. I have also done course work in philosophy and economics. My strengths are not in higher math, but I am an analytical thinker and fast learner, including on technical subjects. I'm internet savvy and realistic about pay. I'm a decent writer. Blog posts provide some examples of that but I realize that blogging is different from other forms of writing and I understand the editing process.
So far it hasn't been so great. Early this month the way I handled something cost me an online friendship that was important to me. Yesterday afternoon, I lost my job.
People have sometimes wondered how I found the time to blog so much. Work had gotten slooooow. So in that sense, I should have seen the handwriting on the wall. Internet use became the rationale for ending my employment but at bottom there just wasn't enough work to justify keeping me on staff. We got done unpacking from the show I mentioned in an earlier post on Wednesday, the last really "busy" thing for the foreseeable future, and Thursday afternoon I was let go.
Anyhow, if any of my readers knows someone who is looking for an efficient, intelligent, competent worker and doesn't mind hiring a blogger as long as he gets his work done in a timely manner, please get me in touch with them. I won't mind moving if I have to.
Till I find a job blogging will probably be sporadic and posts made at different times.
Folks may not be in the practice of checking weekend posts since I don't often make many, especially lately. But I wrote a number of posts this weekend, including some "meaty" ones.
Still no "Year in Preview" post, and I actually should have been coding webpages, but you can't have everything. We're in a glass-half-full frame of mind now and if people have lost interest in us, so be it. Oh well. But for the rest of you, check out the weekend's posts.
So the oven's on here, but the pilot light is out, leading to no heat or light in my posts, just a lot of noxious gas. I've been blaming the lack of thoughtful posting on various events: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Inventory Hell Week. Those I now realize were only partial explanations. I've also realized that some of the posts I believed were thoughtful were just a lot of pointless rambling.
Well, I need to reignite the pilot light. But we all know what happens if you try to do that after the oven's been on, spewing gas: an explosion and catastrophic wreckage. So I'm going to turn the oven off for about a week. That is, I'm going to take a break from even attempting a "thoughtful" post this week. There will be posting of the following sort:
Linkage and news roundups. So if you like those, keep checkin' by.
If I get any interesting letters, I may post them as "Guest Blog Posts". So here's your big blogosphere break, if you've always had something you want to say. Of course, no guarantees I'll post anything I get. My desire to not (continue to) make crappy posts of my own also extends to not wanting to post someone else's crap. But good stuff will go up. By good, I mean interesting, not "just stuff I agree with". Stuff I don't agree with, but find interesting enough to post, I'll probably take my usual practice of posting it and then pointing out where I disagree. So you'll have to be willing to accept criticism, too.
If and only if the muse strikes me, without my making a deliberate effort, and a post comes together in my mind, I'll post that. That'll mean the pilot light has reignited without resulting in catastrophic wreckage. So, there might be something worth reading here this week. I'm simply warning readers not to count on it. But, then, they've probably already gotten used to that.
In any case, an apology to the loyal readers for the garbagy content here over the last several months. I'll do my best to do better. I vaguely wonder how many readers I've lost (I never check my site meter for hits: not daily, not weekly, not monthly) over this period.
Now, a shout-out of sorts:
When I woke up this morning
You were on my mind
And you were on my mind
I got troubles, whoa-oh
I got worries, whoa-oh
I got wounds to bind
So I went to the corner
Just to ease my pains
Yeah, just to ease my pains
I got troubles, whoa-oh
I got worries, whoa-oh
I came home again
When I woke up this morning
You were on my mi-i-i-ind and
You were on my mind
I got troubles, whoa-oh
I got worries, whoa-oh
I got wounds to bind
And I got a feelin'
Down in my sho-oo-oo-oes, said
Way down in my sho-oo-oes
Yeah, I got to ramble, whoa-oh
I got to move on, whoa-oh
I got to walk away my blues
When I woke up this morning
You were on my mind
You were on my mind
I got troubles, whoa-oh
I got worries, whoa-oh
I got wounds to bind
To all, I promise not to watch Taxi Driver this week, but I might watch my copy of Raging Bull.
That scene at the end, Jake La Motta looking into a mirror and quoting the climactic scene from
